Sunday, November 23, 2008

where were we?...

Another day...another month...and finally it hits me. It's nearing Christmas again. And it'll be another year. There wasn't so much to do lately, except attend ballet recitals, prepare for birthday parties, shop for party goodies, get report cards, bring kids to the pediatrician, take the kids out to the mall, have dinner with husband and friends, and do some visita iglesia...not to mention the other things I need to take care of and think about everyday. Not much. Or so I say. I don't know if you can call that busy, or maybe I am thinking of other things to be busy about. This week, I am looking forward to another dinner with my College friend Panyang, and a trip to nearby Tagaytay. *Tagaytay again! lol!* And maybe we could do some church visit, like my husband and I always do (thank God for my husband who shares this thing with me... Just last Saturday, we had mass at the St. Therese Shrine in Villamor Airbase for the first time, which is a huge church...my kids were about to pop their eyes out in amazement). But before that, I have yet to show up at the DFA office for my youngest son's passport.

I often think that my life is on hold. That all I do is eat and sleep. I've never fully realized that the tag "MOMMY" has a grip on me. I always think that "I'm so idle". How clueless of me to think that way. The thought just hit me now--my hands are full. I've got things to do. I have a full time work and I have no time to wallow around in thoughts of idleness. And no matter how they say that mommyhood is routinary, I'm just surprised that everyday is a "surprise" of its own. I love how I could do my routines, yet there is so much more to do in a day and so much more to learn from my kids, every single time i spend with them, that it gives routine a twist. Funny how I sometimes think that I could do so much more than all of these, when I don't even have time to pamper myself. (I was thinking of furthering my studies and take up Master's or maybe join a specialty training---Nursing related of course...or maybe a culinary class...teehee* cut me some slack...that's where my brains head to sometimes).

I thought that I've got nothing much to do. That my kids and husband are just there thriving on their own without any contribution from me. How dense could I get. Thank God for the kisses, the hugs, and the "thank-you-mommys"...they brought me back earth. Just like slipping out of consciousness and somebody shakes us back to reality...and to make it seem like the slipping-out-of-consciousness never really happened, we say.."And so...where were we?"




Monday, September 1, 2008

Things I Learned...

I learned...

  • that happiness begins within
  • that there will always be that one person in your life who will never be happy with your success
  • that life is what you make it
  • that no matter how sorry you are for that one "bawal" stuff in your life, if you don't stop doing it, you were never really sorry
  • that you can have all the friends in the world but only a few will stay true to you.
  • that you can never trust anyone---not even the one you thought you could trust.
  • you can only trust yourself and God---no matter what
  • that I can forgive and forgive that one person who i trusted but betrayed my trust, over and over again...
  • that a person has a limit...no matter how patient you are, when it is too much, then you can just say "i've had enough" and move on...
  • that people change...
  • that you won't really know a person no matter how long you've been friends
  • that no one can make you upset, or treat you badly and unfairly without your permission,
  • that i always have a choice whether to be affected or to not be affected by a certain person, situation or thing
  • that Law of Attraction really works if you apply it in your life
  • that prayer with faith+good deeds+positive outlook=answered prayer
  • that there's truth to "we are where we're supposed to be"
  • that Shifu of Kung Fu Panda was right when he said that "there are no accidents"
  • that there is always a reason for everything and that we can only trust in God whether He shows us the reasons or not
  • that no matter how painful things may get, or how things may seem, experiences were designed to help us grow and to help us learn,
  • that I will never be done with lessons in life,
  • that I will be posting more of those lessons next time :)

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Year of the Animal

Amira: Ma...anong year of the animal ka?

Ako: Huh? Ano'ng year of the animal?...(thinks) ahh...Year of the horse ako anak. Si Miggy ROOSTER.

Amira: (turns to her Tito) eh ikaw Tito, anong year of the animal ka?

Tito: (turns to Tita) ano ba ako? PIG ba ako?

Tita: Di ko alam...ako RAT ako!

Lola: Ako nakalimutan ko na din...MONKEY ata ako eh...

Yaya: Ako TORTOL!

(Hay...)

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Tamang Akala

At around 8PM, while downloading music for my new playlist, I felt my computer table move. So I paused for a while to make sure that I'm not imagining it. Then I also felt na parang yung chair ko and myself are moving na rin. I immediately jumped to the bed, ginising ko si Langga kasi nga nakatakot ako na lumilindol (yes...like a child, takot ako sa lindol). But of course, hindi naramdaman ni husband ang earthquake kasi nga naman he was asleep. As I was holding his hand, bumukas yung pinto kasi hinatid ni mommy si Miggy sa room dahil nakatulog na sa sala. I asked her kung naramdaman ba niya yung lindol, sabi naman niya wala naman daw siyang naramdaman. Since hindi pa rin ako kuntento, I rushed to my brother's room and asked him kung na-feel ba nila yung lindol, and he answered me, "Huuu...guni-guni mo lang yan...". So I didn't push the issue kasi nga naman ako lang ang nakaramdam. Mamaya nga naman, "akala ko lang".
Couple of hours later, my husband told me that there was indeed an earthquake. Buti na lang he searched through the net kung nagkaron nga ng lindol (maybe, para hindi magmukhang tanga ang Misis niya or out of curiosity lang talaga). Haay...it wasn't my guni-guni after all.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

All About Our Love

Woke up to the glare of the light. You're up for another early morning flight. The room is so cold. The A/C's thermostat is set on TOO COLD since the kids can't sleep when it's warm. I tossed and turn, looking for something more than the thick blanket to cover me, but then I was still very cold.

And you're all set to go. You kissed each one of us, yet you leave that one very special kiss for me.

"My cab's here. I love you... Bye."
"I love you...Ingat."

And you're out the door. I tried to go back to sleep. Can't. Amira's awake for school, asks for her baon. Prepares to leave too.

Lucky cries. Cries for a bottle and a diapy change. Fed him and changed him.

Positioned myself to go back to sleep. The sun's starting to rise. I close my eyes and I felt cold again.
This time I took my cell.

"Langga, can't sleep. It's cold."
"Don't worry, I'll be home after lunch. I love you..."
"Ok. I'll see you later. I love you..."

Feeling a lot better. I took Miggy from his bed and brought him to ours.

"Miggy, don't pee on the bed ok?"
"Yes mommy".

And he wrapped his arms around my neck.
And I took my cell yet again.

"Langga... Miggy's here with me. The bed feels a lot more better.
The pillow's soft, and the room is cold. Sarap matulog! Too bad you had to go to work. :("
"Ihian pa unta ka ni Miggy! Bwahahahaha!"

Now that's the typical you. Your message brought a smile to my face. Had to control myself not to laugh. And everything falls into place. The sun is up.

"Langga...briefing na. I love you...I'll see you later."
"I love you more...Take care."

Settled between my two little boys, I close my eyes, and in peace, fell asleep.

It's all about our love. So shall it be forever, never ending.
After all this time. After all is said and done.
-Sade


Thursday, June 26, 2008

My All Time Favorite

I'd Die Without You

Is it my turn to wish you were lying here.
I tend to dream you when I'm not sleeping.
Is it my turn to fictionalize my world.
Or even imagine your emotions.
Tell myself anything...
Is it my turn to hold you by your hands.
Tell you I love you and you not hear me...
Is it my turn to totally understand.
To watch you walk out of my life
and not do a damn thing...

(Chorus)
If I have to give away...
The feeling that I feel.
[ Find more Lyrics at www.mp3lyrics.org/ajH ]
If I have to sacrifice...
Oh, whatever babe, whatever baby.
If I have to take apart...
All that I am...
Is there anything that I would not do,
since I'd die without you...
Yeah baby
since I'd die without you...
since I'd die without you...

Oh, I apologize for all the things I've done.
But now I'm underwater and I'm drowning...
Is it my turn to be the one to cry.
Isn't it amazing how some things
completely turn around...
So take every little piece of my heart...
Yeah, take every little piece of my soul...
Yeah, take every little piece of my mind...
'Cause if you're gone... inside...
I'd die without you...

Friday, June 20, 2008

What About Death

Few days ago...I found myself thinking about death. Morbid, i know. Maybe I was only hormonal, or maybe I'm just too idle that even the subject of death crossed my mind.

I began thinking...what happens when we die? What happens to you when you can't feel anything anymore. Will it be painful when you can feel nothing at all? Sounds crazy right? It even makes me think if the whole body and soul thing is true. And if everlasting life is really that--ever lasting.

Ok...i know I sound silly already. Just one of my gruesome thoughts. Hmm.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

For Omar, Mira and Miggy...
another day means... another day closer to my dreams,
another day means...another day closer to my whims,
another day means...another day closer to hearing my children scream
and another day means another day closer to what may seem.
another day means...another day closer to things to come,
and another day means another day closer to my lover's arms.
another day brings yet another day to look forward to,
when another day means another day closer to being with you.


**Originally posted Monday, 10 April 2006 in Weblogs, Friendster.

On Airsoft Games


" Strength does not come from physical capacity, but from an indomitable will" - Mahatma Gandhi
I never thought I would learn to love Airsoft games. I never thought that it would be one of the many reasons that would make me get up on a Saturday morning aside from Miggy's wet kisses or Amira's wet sheets. I never really stayed on a sports long enough to like it, but now I can tell that this new hobby is something that I'll enjoy for a long time. I am not a very athletic person. I am asthmatic. I move according to my pace and my time. But one thing I discovered, as long as I'm into something, and I enjoy and love what I'm doing, I can run as fast as I can, I can endure pain, I can overcome claustrophobia (at least, from wearing a full-faced mask) and I can learn how to move around a man's world.
Before, when Omar, my husband, used to play Airsoft three years ago, I resent it so much since I felt that Amira and I have to share his time with the game. I felt that the game is stealing his time with us. Now, looking back, i realized that we as persons have to set some time to discover ourselves as individuals, to learn new things, learn what we could be, what we could like and love so we could share a part of ourselves to people we love. I realized that there are certain times in our lives where we need to explore and find out what else is there that the world can offer, for us to offer more of ourselves to our loved ones. So if there's anything that you want to try, or would like to do, something adventurous, or maybe something you're just not used to doing---just about anything, and you felt that you're enjoying it, hold on to it, move on with it. As long as it makes you happy, believe in your capacity to do it, that you can make it, no matter what your limitations are, as long as you believe that you can, as long as you TRY.

** Originally posted Tuesday, 13 February 2007 in Sports, Friendster blogs.
I don't know what came up to me, but i just felt that i needed to share what's going on in my mind and in my heart lately. I just feel SOOO BLESSED and i thought of counting my blessings my way of thanking the Lord for all that He has given me."I must have done something good", I thought. The problems I've had, the tears i have shed, and the pain(s) I've been through in the past, can't measure up to the greatness of God's graces. Some people may have made me believe that my marriage is a mistake and that it " wouldn't work" since Omar and I married young (and very much in love). The problems we've had (and will have in the future) as a couple are seen by some people as a reason not to stay together anymore. There was even one person who said, "What's not meant to be is not really meant to be" (very pessimistic indeed). But as I think about what she said, I realized that Omar and I married for all the right reasons. What more reason can one have to get married but when you're in love, right? =)
Omar and I have been together for 7 years already (and still counting...). We've had our share of ups and downs, heaven and hell, and maybe even purgatory. BUT WE'RE STILL VERY MUCH TOGETHER =). We may fight every day about petty things, but at the end of the day, he still can't stand not saying "i love you" to me. Yesterday, as we were having our 'bonding talk', I asked him, "What do you like about US?", and he answered, "The way we 'click' and US together". God is really on our side. He has never allowed us to drift emotionally from each other despite those times that our problems may have pushed us to the edge. Some elements may have tried to create a rift between us, but it has even made our relationship stronger. (my number 1 blessing and more to go!)
So still on with the counting...I have three adorable and beautiful kids, Amira, Miggy and Mavy (a.k.a. Lucky). They are so talented and so amazing that sometimes I can't help but ask, "Are you guys really MINE?" (*teehee*).









I have friends who are true and can be trusted, and who arestill standing by me all through the years! No politics, no jealousy, no insecurities. I feel a hundred times lucky to have them. Even if we're not together, the distance didn't make any difference. They are still the truest friends one can have. I salute you guys! You are God's gift to me. =) (Daphne, Khristin, Jaja, Annabelle, Amorille, B-Ann, Jamaika,...and the rest of the best!)* My family...they may not be perfect, but they love me and they are supportive of the things i do and they are indeed one part of me that I can't live without. The values I grew up with, my faith, my relationship with the Lord, the people who molded me into the person i am now (my Mom, my Mamang, my Mommy Gie and Daddy Ver, my Tita Babes and my Tito Tata)...are bonuses I want to thank God for. So for all the blessings received (coz there's more to thank for) and yet to be received, I thank you Lord for them.
To God be the Glory!
*space limited. =)

NOTE TAKING IN THE LAND DOWN UNDER








A couple of weeks ago* Omar and I went to Sydney. The trip was kind of "bitin" since we only had a few days to go around the city and to bond with our friends Jong and Betsy. Yet, the whole trip in general was one of the best trips I've ever had.
Sydney, the capital of the state New South Wales in Australia, is notable for its beaches and its twin tourist spots the Harbour Bridge and the Sydney Opera House. It is also sometimes called the "Harbour City" since it is built around Port Jackson which includes Sydney Harbour.
The famous Sydney Opera House, which was designed by Jørn Utzon, is where major performances such as ballets and musical productions are conducted. Because of its very enthralling architecture, it has become Sydney's symbol. We were so fascinated with its structure that we took lots of photos with it as a background.
The Harbour Bridge on the other hand, which is just across the Sydney Opera House, is also one of Sydney's icon. As I just discovered it is also known as the "coathanger". I guess I don't have to explain why...
The Circular Quay, which is located between the Sydney Opera House and the Harbour Bridge, is your typical meeting place. Around it you'll see ferries, train station, and a tram station as well.
So after our sightseeing at the Circular Quay, we walked going to Darling Harbour. Darling Harbour is a large recreational district. This is where you'll find the Sydney Aquarium, the largest IMAX Theatre in the world, the Wildlife World, and Paddy's Market among others.
After this stop we took the monorail going to The Rocks where we had a taste of authentic Australian beer at the Lowenbrau Keller.




Just look at Omar's mug, that's actually a one liter mug of diesel (bier and cola mix), compared to our 500 ml. =)
It was such a fabulous day for the four of us. The walk was long but we had fun. We went from places to places. The city mesmerized me. Never mind if it is considered one of the top expensive cities (or country) in the world...(the exchange rate of a dollar goes from .8-1.39 cents!). The whole experience was just so great I can't wait for our next trip back to Sydney! We owe it to Jongot--thanks for the tour! =)
* This was actually posted on Sunday, 26 August 2007 in Travel, at Friendster blogs but since I decided to delete that blog account, I am reposting my entries here. =)

Thursday, March 6, 2008

SAD

Just when you feel you want to trust people around you, it just happens that they do something to you so you won't trust them. You try your hardest to believe, to have faith and give them a chance to prove themselves worthy of your trust but then they just disappoint you. How do you let go and trust that other being without ever thinking that this person might hurt you or might disappoint you one way or another...How do you believe a word they say when in the past those words have been empty and has left you hanging ever since...How do these people go about doing things and even saying things to make you believe a point when the things they say are actually pointless...

What is trust anyway? Who do you actually trust? When can you say that it's about time you trust?

Monday, March 3, 2008

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BROTHERHOOD AND SOLIDARITY

January of 2007, I received a text message from a very close family friend, inviting me and my husband to join the Election of Officers for a certain airsoft organization, in Tagaytay City. Being the supportive wife that I am, I told my husband that we should grace this small but important gathering since he was once one of the pioneers and co-founder of this organization (local chapter) way back 2000 or 2001 along with some of his co-workers. So, together with my husband and my lady cousin, who was invited also by our friend, we went to the event. When we got to our meeting place, before setting off to Tagaytay, we met this small group who were the core members of this organization, and a couple of them were even new applicants. They were such a welcoming group that we never felt left out even when we finally got to Tagaytay and witnessed the election of officers, their meeting of the minds and the camaraderie that this small group shared.
As this meeting-election progressed, my cousin and I felt that we would like to try what this organization offers, and see for ourselves if we would enjoy what this guys enjoy, anyway, there were two other ladies present in this meeting who are big fans of this hobby and hardcore players too, so we thought that maybe we could also do what they can do (or at least try..) After the meeting I told my husband that I would like to try the hobby, and that this would be his chance to go back playing airsoft after so many years. So the officers told us to just visit the site, and bring our gears and play the game. To make the story short, we ended up applying for membership, and attended every single game day to complete the required number of games for us to be bonafide members (much to our excitement).
My cousin and I invited our other cousins and friends to try this hobby. We were so thrilled with the hobby, the thought of having our own airsoft gears, meeting new friends and for me, the thought that my husband and I are into the same sports together. The core group were really supportive of us, orienting us to the game, teaching us about airsoft stuff, training each one of us to handle AEGs and boosting our confidence that we could make it in their world. Everyone was nice.
As our stay in this group progressed, the number of applicants grew also. But there was something with the progress that I felt was happening right before our very eyes and nobody even noticed, or maybe people just chose to ignore. As we went from one event to another, it seemed that the only thing that mattered to some people, was to build the group by number. I may not be able to explain thoroughly how things were happening in the group but it seemed that there were some who wants their personal dramas in life, and personal issues noticed by others. There were a lot of concerns coming in, and little by little, the small group, the core group, that I once admired, is starting to crumble. One brother will be having an issue with another brother. Rules that were set for the group's structure were bent to accomodate other rules that are inappropriate. Position and power is now a matter of importance. Seniority is either ignored or given way too much of a deal. The core group that I once knew, would support one brother more than an applicant or a new member, no brother would turn his back on one brother in favor of a wannabe. But this things have happened. In a span of a year, relationships are stained. Some members of the core are not given their rightful say to a certain suggestion or a certain idea, some are even shussed to keep their mouth shut. Where was the group that I saw in Tagaytay willing to rebuild the small group they were left with after some former members chose to go the other way? Where was the support they had for each other and most of all their RESPECT for one another? Where was the HOO-RAH that each one of them was ever gracious to give the other brother anytime he needs it? How could someone allow new members to disrespect other brothers in position, either in their face or behind their backs?
It's sad how these things could happen. I know that I am not a full pledged member because I haven't been inducted, but I've done my fair share to complete what is required of me to become one. I may not have been active for the past months in the game, but I have been on the sides, observing the chaos that nobody even noticed. I couldn't help myself but shake my head in disappointment. It's like everybody wants to have their say, and for every little thing they did for the group, it's like everybody wants to be thanked for, to be appreciated. Where's the selfless support that a person commits for our beloved group to succeed? "Thank you" or no "Thank you"?
Sometimes I'd wish that I'm wrong with all my observations. Sometimes I'd wish I could just ignore everything. But I can't. Because this is the group that I admire so much, this was the group that I longed to be a part of because of the sense of belongingness, this was the group I was willing to give my heart and my precious time to, and it's unfortunate that these things are happening. I pray that soon everything will be A-OK, and that what the core has before will be brought to light and that they will realize that after all, brotherhood is what really matters.