From where I was

I can't believe it's been months since I've been on blogging hiatus. The start of the year became busy for me. Nursing trainings, mommying, wifeying and all the -ings just filled the first half of 2009.

I have realized (as usual) so much, met a lot of new friends, seen a lot of different characters in each person that I met...I got discouraged, upset, excited, angry, happy and sad all at the same time.

There a lot of things to tell, a lot of things to share...so much was experienced, felt, and discovered...it's just that i got so little time.

Maybe in the next blogging session.

where were we?...

Another day...another month...and finally it hits me. It's nearing Christmas again. And it'll be another year. There wasn't so much to do lately, except attend ballet recitals, prepare for birthday parties, shop for party goodies, get report cards, bring kids to the pediatrician, take the kids out to the mall, have dinner with husband and friends, and do some visita iglesia...not to mention the other things I need to take care of and think about everyday. Not much. Or so I say. I don't know if you can call that busy, or maybe I am thinking of other things to be busy about. This week, I am looking forward to another dinner with my College friend Panyang, and a trip to nearby Tagaytay. *Tagaytay again! lol!* And maybe we could do some church visit, like my husband and I always do (thank God for my husband who shares this thing with me... Just last Saturday, we had mass at the St. Therese Shrine in Villamor Airbase for the first time, which is a huge church...my kids were about to pop their eyes out in amazement). But before that, I have yet to show up at the DFA office for my youngest son's passport.

I often think that my life is on hold. That all I do is eat and sleep. I've never fully realized that the tag "MOMMY" has a grip on me. I always think that "I'm so idle". How clueless of me to think that way. The thought just hit me now--my hands are full. I've got things to do. I have a full time work and I have no time to wallow around in thoughts of idleness. And no matter how they say that mommyhood is routinary, I'm just surprised that everyday is a "surprise" of its own. I love how I could do my routines, yet there is so much more to do in a day and so much more to learn from my kids, every single time i spend with them, that it gives routine a twist. Funny how I sometimes think that I could do so much more than all of these, when I don't even have time to pamper myself. (I was thinking of furthering my studies and take up Master's or maybe join a specialty training---Nursing related of course...or maybe a culinary class...teehee* cut me some slack...that's where my brains head to sometimes).

I thought that I've got nothing much to do. That my kids and husband are just there thriving on their own without any contribution from me. How dense could I get. Thank God for the kisses, the hugs, and the "thank-you-mommys"...they brought me back earth. Just like slipping out of consciousness and somebody shakes us back to reality...and to make it seem like the slipping-out-of-consciousness never really happened, we say.."And so...where were we?"

Things I Learned...

I learned...

• that happiness begins within
• that there will always be that one person in your life who will never be happy with your success
• that life is what you make it
• that no matter how sorry you are for that one "bawal" stuff in your life, if you don't stop doing it, you were never really sorry
• that you can have all the friends in the world but only a few will stay true to you.
• that you can never trust anyone---not even the one you thought you could trust.
• you can only trust yourself and God---no matter what
• that I can forgive and forgive that one person who i trusted but betrayed my trust, over and over again...
• that a person has a limit...no matter how patient you are, when it is too much, then you can just say "i've had enough" and move on...
• that people change...
• that you won't really know a person no matter how long you've been friends
• that no one can make you upset, or treat you badly and unfairly without your permission,
• that i always have a choice whether to be affected or to not be affected by a certain person, situation or thing
• that Law of Attraction really works if you apply it in your life
• that prayer with faith+good deeds+positive outlook=answered prayer
• that there's truth to "we are where we're supposed to be"
• that Shifu of Kung Fu Panda was right when he said that "there are no accidents"
• that there is always a reason for everything and that we can only trust in God whether He shows us the reasons or not
• that no matter how painful things may get, or how things may seem, experiences were designed to help us grow and to help us learn,
• that I will never be done with lessons in life,
• that I will be posting more of those lessons next time :)

Year of the Animal

Amira: Ma...anong year of the animal ka?

Ako: Huh? Ano'ng year of the animal?...(thinks) ahh...Year of the horse ako anak. Si Miggy ROOSTER.

Amira: (turns to her Tito) eh ikaw Tito, anong year of the animal ka?

Tito: (turns to Tita) ano ba ako? PIG ba ako?

Tita: Di ko alam...ako RAT ako!

Lola: Ako nakalimutan ko na din...MONKEY ata ako eh...

Yaya: Ako TORTOL!

(Hay...)

Tamang Akala

At around 8PM, while downloading music for my new playlist, I felt my computer table move. So I paused for a while to make sure that I'm not imagining it. Then I also felt na parang yung chair ko and myself are moving na rin. I immediately jumped to the bed, ginising ko si Langga kasi nga nakatakot ako na lumilindol (yes...like a child, takot ako sa lindol). But of course, hindi naramdaman ni husband ang earthquake kasi nga naman he was asleep. As I was holding his hand, bumukas yung pinto kasi hinatid ni mommy si Miggy sa room dahil nakatulog na sa sala. I asked her kung naramdaman ba niya yung lindol, sabi naman niya wala naman daw siyang naramdaman. Since hindi pa rin ako kuntento, I rushed to my brother's room and asked him kung na-feel ba nila yung lindol, and he answered me, "Huuu...guni-guni mo lang yan...". So I didn't push the issue kasi nga naman ako lang ang nakaramdam. Mamaya nga naman, "akala ko lang".
Couple of hours later, my husband told me that there was indeed an earthquake. Buti na lang he searched through the net kung nagkaron nga ng lindol (maybe, para hindi magmukhang tanga ang Misis niya or out of curiosity lang talaga). Haay...it wasn't my guni-guni after all.

All About Our Love

Woke up to the glare of the light. You're up for another early morning flight. The room is so cold. The A/C's thermostat is set on TOO COLD since the kids can't sleep when it's warm. I tossed and turn, looking for something more than the thick blanket to cover me, but then I was still very cold.

And you're all set to go. You kissed each one of us, yet you leave that one very special kiss for me.

"My cab's here. I love you... Bye."
"I love you...Ingat."

And you're out the door. I tried to go back to sleep. Can't. Amira's awake for school, asks for her baon. Prepares to leave too.

Lucky cries. Cries for a bottle and a diapy change. Fed him and changed him.

Positioned myself to go back to sleep. The sun's starting to rise. I close my eyes and I felt cold again.
This time I took my cell.

"Langga, can't sleep. It's cold."
"Don't worry, I'll be home after lunch. I love you..."
"Ok. I'll see you later. I love you..."

Feeling a lot better. I took Miggy from his bed and brought him to ours.

"Miggy, don't pee on the bed ok?"
"Yes mommy".

And he wrapped his arms around my neck.
And I took my cell yet again.

"Langga... Miggy's here with me. The bed feels a lot more better.
The pillow's soft, and the room is cold. Sarap matulog! Too bad you had to go to work. :("
"Ihian pa unta ka ni Miggy! Bwahahahaha!"

Now that's the typical you. Your message brought a smile to my face. Had to control myself not to laugh. And everything falls into place. The sun is up.

"Langga...briefing na. I love you...I'll see you later."
"I love you more...Take care."

Settled between my two little boys, I close my eyes, and in peace, fell asleep.

It's all about our love. So shall it be forever, never ending.

After all this time. After all is said and done.

-Sade

My All Time Favorite

I'd Die Without You Is it my turn to wish you were lying here. I tend to dream you when I'm not sleeping. Is it my turn to fictionalize my world. Or even imagine your emotions. Tell myself anything... Is it my turn to hold you by your hands. Tell you I love you and you not hear me... Is it my turn to totally understand. To watch you walk out of my life and not do a damn thing... (Chorus) If I have to give away... The feeling that I feel. [ Find more Lyrics at www.mp3lyrics.org/ajH ] If I have to sacrifice... Oh, whatever babe, whatever baby. If I have to take apart... All that I am... Is there anything that I would not do, since I'd die without you... Yeah baby since I'd die without you... since I'd die without you... Oh, I apologize for all the things I've done. But now I'm underwater and I'm drowning... Is it my turn to be the one to cry. Isn't it amazing how some things completely turn around... So take every little piece of my heart... Yeah, take every little piece of my soul... Yeah, take every little piece of my mind... 'Cause if you're gone... inside... I'd die without you...

What About Death

Few days ago...I found myself thinking about death. Morbid, i know. Maybe I was only hormonal, or maybe I'm just too idle that even the subject of death crossed my mind.

I began thinking...what happens when we die? What happens to you when you can't feel anything anymore. Will it be painful when you can feel nothing at all? Sounds crazy right? It even makes me think if the whole body and soul thing is true. And if everlasting life is really that--ever lasting.

Ok...i know I sound silly already. Just one of my gruesome thoughts. Hmm.

For Omar, Mira and Miggy...
another day means... another day closer to my dreams,
another day means...another day closer to my whims,
another day means...another day closer to hearing my children scream
and another day means another day closer to what may seem.
another day means...another day closer to things to come,
and another day means another day closer to my lover's arms.
another day brings yet another day to look forward to,
when another day means another day closer to being with you.


**Originally posted Monday, 10 April 2006 in Weblogs, Friendster.

On Airsoft Games

" Strength does not come from physical capacity, but from an indomitable will" - Mahatma Gandhi
I never thought I would learn to love Airsoft games. I never thought that it would be one of the many reasons that would make me get up on a Saturday morning aside from Miggy's wet kisses or Amira's wet sheets. I never really stayed on a sports long enough to like it, but now I can tell that this new hobby is something that I'll enjoy for a long time. I am not a very athletic person. I am asthmatic. I move according to my pace and my time. But one thing I discovered, as long as I'm into something, and I enjoy and love what I'm doing, I can run as fast as I can, I can endure pain, I can overcome claustrophobia (at least, from wearing a full-faced mask) and I can learn how to move around a man's world.
Before, when Omar, my husband, used to play Airsoft three years ago, I resent it so much since I felt that Amira and I have to share his time with the game. I felt that the game is stealing his time with us. Now, looking back, i realized that we as persons have to set some time to discover ourselves as individuals, to learn new things, learn what we could be, what we could like and love so we could share a part of ourselves to people we love. I realized that there are certain times in our lives where we need to explore and find out what else is there that the world can offer, for us to offer more of ourselves to our loved ones. So if there's anything that you want to try, or would like to do, something adventurous, or maybe something you're just not used to doing---just about anything, and you felt that you're enjoying it, hold on to it, move on with it. As long as it makes you happy, believe in your capacity to do it, that you can make it, no matter what your limitations are, as long as you believe that you can, as long as you TRY.

** Originally posted Tuesday, 13 February 2007 in Sports, Friendster blogs.